I AM: Clean Week Two - Day One: Shame is Dirty
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How we see ourselves can shape so much of what we do, how we do it or why we do it. In the video teaching for this week, I shared that I’ve seen myself as dirty since I was a child. Feeling that way about myself has shaped everything for me. My internal narrative was not and is not something that I believe God wanted or wants for me. As I sought help in counseling, my counselor recommended that I enter a therapy group for women struggling with shame.
I declined at first because that seemed silly to me. I wasn’t dealing with shame; I was dealing with literal encounters, childhood sexual abuse that I hid because I didn’t want to deal with other people’s responses. I dealt with an abusive first marriage for 19 years because I was worried about responses as well as other things. I finally left not caring about responses, until the responses came. Judgments, criticisms, skewed perceptions, harsh words, condemnations, it was a lot to process. I didn’t feel like I had a shame issue at the time but felt like society had judgment issues. If you’ve lived that as well, I am with you and am so sorry!
My counselor assured me that shame was at the root of my belief system and that it was shaping everything. It took several visits before I started to believe this. I dove into the therapy group, the reading, the workbooks, and took a good hard look at myself. Ultimately, she was right.
Here is a definition of shame by Brene Brown, a research professor in courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy.
“I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure.” (www.BreneBrown.com)
If this is at the core of our belief system, at the core of our internal narrative, it shapes everything. Every decision, every response, every thought, everything. I’m 2 ½ years into my healing journey. It’s a tough journey, I currently have a goal of saying one nice thing about myself every day, and I’m telling you, that is hard to do. My internal dialogue has been so bad for so long that one nice thing a day is a huge milestone for me. One of my regular practices, when I feel I’m shaming myself or if I feel like someone else is shaming me, is to affirm myself with truth. Truths from the people around me who truly know me and love me and truth from the Word of God.
My regular affirmations:
● I am enough. I am created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.”
● Shame is dirty, not me!
● I don’t understand why this has happened to me, but I don’t have to understand. I have to trust that God is with me and will lead me. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT on YOUR OWN understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”
If you feel you are flawed or unworthy because of something you’ve experienced or something that’s been done to you, that is not truth. If you feel flawed or unworthy because of something you’ve done, that is not truth. If you are in Christ, you are forgiven, righteous, justified freely, and redeemed.
“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24
Shame is dirty, not me and not you.
Friends, if you don’t struggle with shame or struggle with how you see yourself, then I am praising the Lord with you and would ask that you be praying for all of your sisters who are.
If you are one of my sisters struggling with shame and struggling with how you see yourself, I challenge you to write those lies down and then find an affirmation from someone who loves you and from the Word of God to speak truth into it.
Reflect: What is something you believe about yourself?
What is the truth from someone who knows and loves you?
What does the truth from God’s Word say about what you wrote down above?
Pray:
Lord Your Word is truth, and the truth is what sets us free. For every lie that we are flawed and unworthy, we speak truth, that we are Your daughters, created in Your image, Your handiwork. We are loved. Help us as we daily seek to overcome and conquer untruths and shame that would hinder us from being everything You’ve called us to be. Help us to see ourselves like You see us, Lord. Amen.