I AM: Clean Week Two - Day Two: The Dirty “Others”
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The way we see ourselves can shape everything. How we see others can also shape everything. I’d like to start off today with a prayer to prepare our hearts for this challenging topic.
Lord, yesterday we prayed that You would help us see ourselves as You see us and today our prayer is that You will help us see others the way that You see them. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear today. Help us to be people that speak hope and life to others, help us to find forgiveness for those who may have hurt us. The truth that sets us free also sets others free, help us to give voice to that hope. In Jesus name. Amen.
Who is the “other”? I’m using that word in a way that defines anyone “other” than yourself. So, with that in mind let me ask you this question:
When you think of a dirty “other” or “others” who comes to mind?
The first thing that comes to mind for me are people who commit crimes against children: rape, murder, physical abuse, it’s awful to think about and pretty easy for me to say they are a dirty “other”. Because of the abuse I experienced as a child, it can be really easy for me to see that young lady as a dirty “other.” My ex-husband has been someone that I’ve seen as a dirty “other.” The hurt caused with no regard for my humanity or the humanity of people can be an easy jump for me to that dirty “other” mindset. Murderers, rapists, terrorists, the list could go on and on, couldn’t it?
As I shared yesterday, I’ve endured criticism and judgment from people in regard to my decision to walk away from my first marriage. From people who did or didn’t know my story. The shaming looks on their faces and their shaming words, tell me what they thought of me. Questions on their faces whether I really had tried save my marriage. People even assuring me that I would feel guilty if I didn’t do all that I could do to save it. Suddenly I felt like a dirty “other.”
That’s been a strange dynamic for me in this whole journey. Feeling like an outcast in society, feeling like I had broken one of God’s rules and that there was no possible redemption for me. Feeling that forgiveness is only for those worthy of forgiveness, and somehow I wasn’t one of them. I stayed loyal, dedicated, and committed to a marriage for 19 years, and yet, I now wore the scarlet letter…I was the “other”.
This experience has given me a glimpse into what “others” journey. You see, here was my former mindset:
I’ve been a goodie, goodie my whole life. I grew up in the church; my parents were pastors. I stayed on the straight and narrow and I’m a rule follower by nature, so that whole “other” bit was for all the people who actually did bad stuff, not me. When I sinned, it was nothing in comparison to people who actually sin. My sin was saying a cuss word when “others” are committing awful crimes and hurting people. So to find myself as an adult feeling like the “other” hit me by storm. I began a journey of seeking forgiveness for not seeing “others” as Jesus sees them. For jumping into the same judgment and condemnation that I felt was now being projected onto me.
Take a minute and read Luke 19: 1-9. Here is the story of an “other”. A tax collector who was despised, considered a sinner, who was met by Jesus with love and acceptance. But verse 10 is what gets me:
“For the Son of man came to seek and save what was lost.”
Jesus came to seek and save the lost while I’ve been busy condemning them and then being frustrated that I was being identified as one. There are lost people in this world; they hurt, they hurt others, they are God’s children, created in His image and loved by Him. The question we have to wrestle with is this:
Can they be made clean?
For the young lady who abused me, I do not condone what she did, but I forgive her. I pray that she knows Jesus and knows that she is forgiven, that her debt has been paid and she is redeemed by the blood of Jesus. Does that mean I want to see her, know her and have a relationship with her? No, that would be an unhealthy boundary for me. I can offer forgiveness; I can change my perspective from she’s a dirty “other” to she is clean like me because of the blood of Jesus that washes her white as snow, just like it does for me. (Isaiah 1:18)
For my ex-husband, I do not condone what I endured in our marriage, but I forgive him. I believe he is created by God and called to do great things. I pray he doesn’t hold onto any guilt or shame for the brokenness of our marriage. My prayer for him today is the same as it was since the moment we started dating 23 years ago. I pray that the love of Jesus will invade his heart and mind, that he will know who he is in Christ alone and that will define everything for the rest of his days. Does that mean I wanted to remain in that marriage? No. It was a very unhealthy environment for me, but does that mean he’s a dirty “other”? No. He is clean because of the blood of Jesus which was shed for him and everyone. (John 3:16)
What about the rest? Murderers, rapists, terrorists? Let’s review yesterday’s Scripture:
“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24
Reflect:
We are working on believing this for ourselves, can we believe this for “others”?
When you think of a dirty “other” or “others” who comes to mind?
Can they be made clean?